Our association with the Hendricks goes way back - way back to (2016) when we decided that playing an actual game of cricket with actual rules against actual opponents might be a good idea. We reached out looking for teams prepared to play a bunch of cricket tragics, with no experience, no discernible talent or even a proper understanding of the rules and the Hendricks responded! They coaxed us through the process - showing us what to do and encouraging us along the way - our naive primitive cricket brain implanted itself with an image of how to play social cricket largely based on how the Hendricks behave.
This will be the fourth time we have played the Hendricks. They soundly beat us the first time we played, we won the rematch in 2017 (Against a Hendricks team comprising of only nine players and on a pitch that was visible only to archaeologists). In last years game we dismissed the Hendricks for their lowest score ever… and we still lost. All this makes the annual Hendricks fixture one of our most anticipated. Now to the game itself, a train delay resulted in our captain and opening batsman announcing they would be both be late (captain also announcing that he had forgotten the watermelon). This (the lateness not the lack of watermelon) resulted in in our acting vice captain and vice vice captain instigating emergency leadership contingencies, without our glorious leader we had to make a decision, following prolonged arguments and a team vote resulting in a decision (4 to 3 in favour (with two abstentions)) we decided to field first - with that done our acting vice captain lost the toss and we were made to bat. So with our new plan already in tatters it took no time at all to change all of the other pre-made plans, our number 10 promptly padded up and was about ready to open the batting only for our captain to turn up and re-instate plan A. Robert opened the batting and impressed with some solid forward defensive work. Birthday Boy Jon, opened at the other end, and immediately struggled against Henry’s clever bowling. A dropped chance saw Jon avoid a second ball duck before Henry had him stumped in the next over. Jon revealed he was out to the same bowler the last time we played. Clearly Henry has a bunny and his name is Jon. Jon was happy with 8 off 8 though - any plastic would be proud of that. Alex came in and played a typical Alex innings. Robert meanwhile was essentially playing a different game to the rest of us, the Hendricks seemingly had two quick bowlers better than the others and things somehow conspired so that Robert would face most of their deliveries. In retrospect 18 balls without scoring is a perfectly respectable amount of time to see yourself in - especially for an opening batsman - but it is almost three times the length of the average plastic batsmans entire innings. Robert scored 12 off a lot. Charlie was in next, he was off the mark straight away with what I recall being something deft off his hips - I thought at the time it was Mike Hussey esque. Charlie scored two more runs before being caught out by mid-on. When he got back to the plastics he was met with the usual sympathy and understanding and he lamented the fact he had no luck "I've never been dropped" (I dont think that's true) but in a game where the Hendrix only caught 2 out of 10 chances he can probably feel a little aggrieved. James came in next, in his first game since sustaining a grade 3 tear of his hamstring (with a nice bruise which we decided resembled Albania more than any other country (Plastics Trivia Pop quiz - what is the capital city of Albania? Read on to find out). The Hendricks (who I previously described as very nice) decided to test James's ability to rock back on his haunches with a fierce bouncer. He dealt with it well <<< First intermission >>>: I was scoring throughout this innings - and when you are scoring you don’t typically pick up on the nuances of the game - you see everything as "That's one run to the batter, one to the no ball column, two to the bowlers figures put a run on the tally and did the umpire just call over? Are the fielders asking for a scoreboard update again, I forgot to put the score total in the overs column - have they started the next over already" and all this whilst your team mates are talking shit - on that note I'm not sure if selling plastics bathwater is a viable alternative to finding a new sponsorship deal next year - however we can but try. Would we gift it to teams after we play? <<Intermission Over>> Back to the batting. We had made it to about 3/100 after 20 ish overs. Jevs - turned down a run from James (the guy with the torn hamstring) JEVS scored 83% of his runs in boundaries and remarkably once ran a two. James - eventually holed out for a valiant 20, his bat cost / runs scored ratio is now down to a reasonable nine. Pete - our own Mr Versatile - gave our scoreline a much needed pace injection with a run a ball 21 before being bowled out - just like his brother (in that one regard). Doy got another not out to add to his collection - perhaps he should be opening our batting? It would give us the delightful left / right opening combo). Matt - whinged about everything from the sideline and got an ironic cheer when he choose to leave the first ball he faced. At least try to hit it. (He did actually hit some nice shots during his brief innings, got dropped on zero and was then run out at least once). Joey - padded up for the second time and went through his pre-innings warm up routine again (probably visualizing the perfect hoick over cow corner) before once again being denied by Matt who batted out all of the last over. I didn’t get a bat, and that was probably a good thing for anyone who was interested in cricket as entertainment. We usually ensure everyone gets a bat, but it wasnt to be today - in our next game everyone needs to get out 10% quicker. Despite this we had still managed to reach 8 for 211 after 40 overs, thats a rate of 5.25 runs per over. We were all quite happy with that. If we were offered that at the start we would have taken it (after prolonged debate and the required voting process obviously) in our minds 211 is a winning score and surely very intimidating, it was very difficult not to appear arrogant or condescending during tea. Speaking of tea - the Hendricks do awesome home baked cakes this time we were treated to a nice lemon drizzle. For our contribution we managed to avoid all bringing in sausage rolls which was a plus. No sandwiches though. So I award the battle of the teas to Hendricks. Points off to whoever didn't bring enough cups for drinks, points returned though for reducing the amount of single use plastics out there. After a well drilled cohesive fielding session by the Plastics - the Hendricks chase commenced. With Tim and “Big V” opening. I have to mention Tims shorts - firstly he was batting in shorts, secondly he would pull them up as much as possible - revealing a lot of thigh- not to avoid tan lines he assured me but because they were “too constrictive”. It was quite distracting. Tim also reached 9000 career runs during this innings an impressive milestone and well worth the applause. Other than that not much of note happened in the first 20 overs, Joey found some spin (absolutely rippin’ it), I broke my middle finger and Matt bowled at least one over with no wides or illegal deliveries, legitimately five balls just outside off and then one over leg stump - all of consistent length too - remarkable. The Hendricks had made it to 89 for no loss after 19 overs - a little behind the asking rate but with wickets in hand. The break through came from a bit of fielding magic, instigated and executed by Charlie. I cant really find the words to describe it but if i was to try - i would describe it as "odd" this was the potentially game changing moment we needed and it brought about a change in our fortunes. Matt took a very good catch to ensure Joey's amazing bowling would get some reward. Matt followed this up with two more quick wickets both bowled - the Hendricks were rattled now and asking how many overs does this guy have left. From a position of relative strength the Hendrix lost five wickets for just 14 runs. The Hendricks were now 5 for 103 we were in to their tail and they needed to score at more than 7 an over to win the game, all we had to do was repeat our performance from two weeks ago, starve them of runs and pile on the pressure, it felt in the bag. <<< Second intermission. >>> This intermission takes place in the local A&E. I walked in and told the receptionist I've had an accident. The look of alarm from this seasoned medical professional when i took the cold compress of my face did put me off my stride a bit but I was buoyed after walking past a long queue and being told I was number three in the queue to see the doctor. Smug mode on. None of the other peoples injuries compared to mine - a young man fell of a kerb and “hurt their knee”, another person said he had injured himself in Germany but didn't have health insurance - time wasters. Everything was going great till this woman got wheeled in from an ambulance and the police brought someone one else in but by this point i was queuing for xray - and i had a great spot to sit watch everything unfold. This story actually ends here as nothing else interesting happened yada yada yada, the doctors fixed me. <<< End intermission >>>. back to the game. We lost. Lessons learned - bowling in loafers - not great, especially in the nets. Ice is wonderful, I have beautiful bones, our batting somehow always lets us down - even when you reign in all expectations. Many thanks to Adrian and the rest of the Hendricks medical team and also those at the NHS. The answer to this weeks plastics trivia pop quiz is "Tirana". Final note: Our game for Sunday (the 14th July) has been inexplicably canceled for some reason. So our next update will be in circa two weeks, unless Matt decides to write a feature piece on the art of running between wickets before then (I’d be up for that). So long, Plastic Fans! (trying out a new sign off, let us know what you think of it in the comments).
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THE TEAMFormed from a collection of players who met on the internet via social cricket at Archbishop's Park, Plastics XI represents the foolhardy members of that group who decided they wanted a bash at proper cricket instead of playing with plastic balls. The team's ability is best described as "weak-weak". Luckily, our social media game is much stronger. Find us on: Archives
October 2021
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