Watching those lifelong dancers of a day
As night closed in, I felt myself alone In a life too much my own, More mortal in my separateness than they– Unless, I thought, I had been called to be Not fly or star But one whose task is joyfully to see How fair the fiats of the caller are. We’ve begun quoting poetry, apparently, so have the above excerpt of Richard Wilbur’s Mayflies to accompany this report on how the Plastics flitted fitfully amongst a swarm of those pesky flies and caused plenty of reflection on what the bloody point could ever have claimed to be. Mayflies’ excessive gestation and short lifespan are an apt metaphor to our performance, comprising a long build-up which belied and belated only the briefest of beatitudes on the most beautiful of grounds in a consummate loss to Egham Roses — who by any other name would be just as lovely an opponent. There really is not too much cricket to report. Having lost the toss — naturally — Matt was asked to get his men to pad up and set a target over forty long overs on a true pitch but under skies whose changeable nature was all the more notable for the 900-year-old Windsor Castle they tried to remove from view. The castle has not yet been around long enough to see Anthony or Charlie play a foolish shot and the ticker to begin with was nice enough, till Charlie misjudged some late swing from Egham’s nippy opening bowler. This did at least bring in Pete B and the former-bowler-turned-number-3-extraordinaire played with class and elegance for 36 before being run out due to, by his own admission, recklessly “ambling” what should have been an easy second run. Pretty much everything else about the batting performance was dreadful or odd. Alex died by the sword; Mark was out stumped (and stumped as to how he was out) having misjudged a leg side tickle and fallen over just as the keeper’s pads rebuked the ball onto the stumps; Peter was bowled while Mark sulked so the latter (your author) can’t report what happened; Joey was inevitably caught trying to play sensibly. Matt treated us to a dive in a typically energetic not-out five. Blushes were at least somewhat spared by ringer Mike’s counter-attacking 33 batting at 8 with some lusty blows taking advantage of a quick outfield before losing out to a truly astonishing catch at cover (one-handed dive taking the sting out and then some sort of contortion to allow the other hand to gather in the ball inches from the floor). 109 runs were ultimately mustered - 18 of them extras and 69 coming from Pete and Mike, which leaves a pitiful amount from the other nine of us in what has to rank amongst the Plastics’ worst batting performances given the talent available. Egham knocked off the runs with no great trouble, losing only one wicket in the process. This despite some really very good bowling from the pacemen and Joey, and terrific sharpness and willing all over the field. Indeed, while the Roses’ batsmen maybe weren’t particularly troubled by anything but the sternest tests from a strong bowling unit, we comforted ourselves by concluding it didn’t feel like they had many gears to switch up to in the c. 20 overs it took and so had this been a T20 (or had we not given such a poor account of ourselves with the bat), a genuinely balanced game could have been in the offing. After tea the Plastics and Roses inaugurated The Hundred, which can happily be confirmed a stupid format because 10-ball overs are really tiring. This reversed-order beer game was played in wonderful spirit with some interesting chat from the sidelines courtesy of long-suffering spectators/Egham’s middle order. Abridged highlights: Anthony took two wickets and is now convinced he’s an allrounder; Matt managed a superb one-handed catch while keeping, having shifted his weight for a leg-side delivery that was somehow scooped towards first slip, and remains convinced he’s the best fielder in social cricket; Pete managed to get run out again (three innings in a row over two weeks); Joey and Mike hit some crunching sixes; our lower order is well capable of slapping the remaining lacquer off an old ball. Somewhat unbelievably, the game was tied, each side managing exactly the same score of maybe 128 (I haven’t got the scorecards). Two things are for certain. 1: we can play a whole lot better than this. 2: Egham is a team full of lovely blokes (and plus-ones/pavilion helper-outers) who enjoy the game the right way. We hope to return next year and might be able to manage more than five runs each.
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New oppo Camel CC opened the batting and immediately looked too good for us. Fortunately our bowlers brought their A-game: superb opening spells from Jerry, Matt, Pete and Joey had us looking in contention at 69-4 after 15 overs. Unfortunately Rich, their number 5 played a superb innings for 87 – effectively taking the game away from us. Our fielding was decent throughout however, with excellent runs outs from Matt, Joey and Pete. Saj bowled nicely on his Plastics debut – notably taking the key wicket on his way to 5-0-2-26. Skipper Matt was the pick of the bowlers though with his 6.2-0-3-38 (despite bowling some utter filth at times). In the end Camel CC were all out for 241 after 37.2 overs.
Sadly, as is so often the case, the Plastics struggled with the run chase, only surviving 27.5 overs and accumulating 156 runs. It could have been far worse however, after our top order failed to fire – leaving us in hot water at 55-6 after just 11 overs, the damage predominantly caused by bowler Birkson (who bagged himself a 5-fer). Fortunately the tail wagged, with entertaining lower order cameos from Pete, Saj, Jerry and Matt adding a veneer of respectability to the score-line. Jerry top scored with a superb 32* off 21 deliveries. Special mention also to James on his Plastics debut, who played well for his 17 runs The best thing about "social cricket" is that it isn’t about the result of the game (especially when your team is not very good) it's about all the things around the game - the venue, the opposition, the luncheon, the cheers and jeers, the near misses and the swinging sixes, the weather and the drinks in the pub afterwards. Crossbats CC, Marble Hill Park and our game against them on 11th of May 2019 perfectly describes all those aspects of the "social" game.
A glorious day in May 2019 saw bright conditions, but with the chance of a light afternoon shower predicted. The spritely march from Richmond station to Marble Hill Park provides a nice warmup for anyone who choses it. Passing the quaint houses enroute and a chance to cross over The Thames further enhances the experience. Marble Hill Park is the best kind of English parkland - a wide open space - trees surrounding it, some sort of ancient Lodge building to one end and a small cafe/gatehouse to the other. The right kind of weekend walkers with their well-behaved children and dogs enjoying the day. The pitch is the less typical council concrete track but as a whole the venue provides all that is needed at this level. A pleasant bunch from Crossbats arrived, greetings were exchanged, coins were tossed and decisions were made. Crossbats to bat first - a chance for us to pin them back to a target and then hopefully chase it down! The astroturfed track was particularly unforgiving for the bowlers giving a pretty straight and true account of the ball for the batsmen to keep a steady eye on. Some tidy opening bowling from medium pace Papa and Loopy drops from Freeman, good field positioning and a long boundary thwarted a quicker rise in the total. Crossbats Skinner certainly looked at ease at the wicket. With the score ticking up and the overs ticking over a change in the bowling brought on Sandham for a spell. Again tight bowling on the wickets kept the batsmen on the back foot until a ball caught on the astroturf, sat up and was chipped back down the track to the Bowler. The ball seemed to hang for an age before plopping into the reaching hands of Sandham for a much needed C&B wicket. Armytage was sharing the bowling duties at this time to - his fast pace testing the batsmen but the track was too true for anything too dangerous to come off. Sandham took another wicket, bowling Alexander as he took a wild swing at a ball that kept low and turn in a good 20' to take his off stump. What had been a lovely blue and white sky started to take a much darker turn and the indicated 50/50 chance of rain rapidly upped. What started out as a few spots quickly descended into a full on lashing with wind, rain and dark clouds rapping down on the pitch. The teams were initially too brave (or stupid) to run for cover but as conditions worsened a quick sprint to the boundary was needed to retrieve umbrellas. Conditions looked bleak. But as the mood was, literally and metaphorically, being dampened the clouds cleared and the rain stopped and a gentle breeze returned. The teams retook the field under damp conditions but the sun helped to dry out the track. Jamieson took a spell of bowling to offer some variety and whistled a few past the noses of the batsman - just to keep them on their toes as they closed in on the end of the 35 overs. He took an important wicket too - characteristically smashing the stumps to the ground. The final overs saw Bradbury join the attack again blowing good and straight to keep the batmen pegging in but as the field grew tired (Plastics were only 10 men) the batsmen could open up a bit more and a few 4s started to come the score climbing steeper. Again Sandham took a final wicket off some steady balls - edged into Wicket Keeper Mortimer. Crossbats were at 170 for 4 off 35 overs. Regrouping at lunch saw the Plastics drilled into taking a steady approach from the off. Staying in a ticking over might see the game within reach. Clever heads and sturdy bats were needed. The Bishop brothers marched out to the crease to see if they could soak up overs from Crossbats top bowlers and see their way to a tidy early score. In a strategic move not seen since the D-Day landings Crossbats played a master stroke and started with perhaps not their strongest opening bowlers. Perhaps in an effort to lull the Bishops into a false sense of security only to pounce later. It worked! Robert Bishop, after a few clever singles, looped one back to the bowler for a diving C&B by Ross, Then Pete Bishop, after playing some nice shots but not being able to reach the boundary, took his eye of the ball to be bowled by Humphrey. Gillan was in early, Looked at ease only to be caught out easily and a nervous looking Mortimer took his time to get his eye in, before he calmed down and got a chance to play some lovely cricket shots before again seeing a big shot, swinging and looking back to see his wicket taken by Skinner. Bradbury entered the field, and using his ex-captains head, attempted to calm the game down. But overs were disappearing and runs were not forthcoming. The youngsters of Armytage and Jamieson were dispatched by the Skinners both chasing runs and an ever desperate rate. The Crossbats strategy was paying off. Their better bowlers had claimed the Plastics middle order with ease. Papa entered, only to return with only a single to his name - but deserved more. Bradbury and Sandham faced a tough task to see off the last of the better bowlers. Bradbury was set and ticking over, Sandham defended his wicket against some quick bowling. The worst of it was over - but the run rate was low. Too low? As the late afternoon settled in so did Bradbury and Sandham. Trying to dig out those all-important runs. But damn those boundaries were far away. What should have be 4s were only 2s, What could have been 6s didn’t reach, not wanting to take too many risks what should have been doubles only drew singles. To the final few overs the target looked further away, but the batsmen looked set. A battle between chasing the target, and not being out played on the minds. The last few balls came. Singles were run. The game was lost. Oh what a shame the crowd cheered. What could have been closer was in the end far away. Plastics XI scored 139 for 7 off 35 overs Crossbats CC won by 31 runs Check out the highlights here: Scorecard
After a (relatively) successful Intraplastics, where no one was hurt and everyone got a bat despite the gale force winds, our intrepid XI showed up again at the newly monikered Battersea Dome to play the brilliantly named Flying Ducksmen. Although last season's match was a bit of a stroll for the Plastics (those are words I never thought any of us would type), this season they were an entirely different prospect, chiefly because they had the batsman who scored 137 against us for the Battersea Badgers playing, in addition to two players we had lent them. Continuing on from Charlie's firmly established tradition, new captain Matt in his first official act, lost the toss and The Ducksmen decided to have a bat. After a beautifully tight opening spell from Jerry and Jamie, where they got combined figures of 1-21 off 6, Tom Scott-Coombes came on for a very tidy opening spell in his brand-spanking new Plastics shirt and ended with excellent debut figures of 5-0-18-2, with one of the wickets being Plastics-provided ringer Phil (for an confident 25) while Webb was unusually parsimonious in his opening spell of 4-0- 14-1. With Charlie bowling at an economy of 1.5 and Jerry taking exceptional figures of 4-24 (including the dangerous Mackrell, vanquisher of the Plastics in the Badgers fixture last year, pinned in front for a relief-inducing 12), the spinners Joey and JEVS failed to get much out of the early May surface and despite bowling well didn't make a breakthrough. Early contender for the Lambrini Moment of the Season™ as a swirling catch looped into the generally safe hands of the skipper, only for him to put it down. A dropped catch at this level is pretty much just an occupational hazard, but vice-captain Jerry swooped in, scooped up the ball absolutely wanged the ball at the stumps, missed by miles with the batsmen out of his ground. Usually it's only one piece of egregious incompetence at a time, but the leadership group really went the extra mile for that award. Despite that, the Ducksmen were kept to a decent total of 160 after the tail had a bit of a wag. Tea was a bit odd, as most Plastics seemed to have failed to distinguish between sweet and savoury and there was a heated debate about which category blueberries fall into. Charlie and Robert strode out to open the batting and immediately set about taking the shine off the new ball. It was 5 runs and 25 balls later that Robert fell LBW to loanee Phil, bringing James Heis to the crease for a rapid 17 off 17 balls. In the meantime Charlie had fallen for a typically stoic 15 and seen off the opening bowlers, allowing Dom to come out and smack the first change bowlers around the park for a serene, unbeaten 46 ball 56. It wasn't all smooth sailing, however, as regular wickets falling at the other end (Joey hitting his now predictable 6 and out, JEVS getting bowled by the traitorous Simon, and Matt emulating Mark by middling the ball straight into the hands of cover, Tom SC getting run out) made a relatively simple chase a bit more of a bum-squeaker than it really needed to be, but in the end the Plastics made it over the line with just under 9 overs to spare. It was with great trepidation that the Plastics Xi turned up in scenic Barnes for their second outing at Roehampton's T20 tournament, remembering their thrashing at the talented yet lovely Grace's CC in the inaugural edition 2 years ago. The faces for The Plastics aren't all the same, yet the scars remain.
After losing yet another toss, Matt decided he probably would have bowled first anyway, considering the windy and overcast conditions and this absolutely wasn't putting a positive spin on things. The next bit of the report will be relatively brief as the match happened a couple of weeks ago and your author can only remember the things that he did because frankly he had quite a bit to worry about on the day and his attention was mostly elsewhere. He sincerely apologises to every one who did something brilliant that he inevitably missed. John Papa opened the bowling against the Graces openers, who were resplendent in their green, orange and white uniforms, and with his nagging accuracy managed to snare a wicket, before The Evil Bishop pegged Grace's back a couple of times with his inswing. Jerry's 4 overs went for only 9 runs but somehow didn't get a mark in the "W" column, and Webb bowled with his customary scattergun approach and somehow snaffled Grace's skipper with the only ball that went anywhere near the stumps from his 2 overs. Phil bowled with hostility and pace and was unfortunate not to get anything for his efforts, and Joey, when he managed to pitch the ball, looked threatening but was also unable to make any inroads. An excellent 48 from the Grace's three anchored their innings and they eventually finished on what appeared to be a slightly below par score of 121 (aided and abetted by 25 Plastics extras in 20 overs, maybe a new record?) After lunch, Robert and Dom opened the batting, hoping to get the team off to the same kind of flying start as Bairstow and Roy may have done. The did manage to emulate a pair of England openers but unfortunately it was more like Cook and Compton in Tests than England's greatest ever opening ODI partnership. Dom didn't last very long, scoring a relatively slow 10 off 9, and Anthony was eventually dismissed for 14 off 32, having faced up to some quick, accurate bowling, leaving Robert to kick on in the Root role for an unfairly maligned (by the captain and no one else, how's that for judgement) but truly outstanding 33 off 41 balls while the innings collapsed around him (brought about by a truly exceptional spell of fast bowling by a Grace's player who had been out for an entire season previously, with injury), he mustered more than the next 6 batsmen combined, despite a small late order flourish from the captain and Jerry, the Plastics failed to chase the target by 18 runs despite having wickets in hand, and the Plastics could only play for the pride of not finishing last in the next match. It was with cold hands and warm spirits that the Plastics entered the bronze medal match of the Barn Elms T20 tournament 2019 against the cricketingly-titled “Clapham In”, refreshed by a between-game Starbucks run and a new player in the form of Billy, who answered the last minute sounding of the Plastics conch.
After losing the toss (!) and again bowling, tight opening lines from “his name’s John but write down Papa...yes, that’s right, Sergeant Pepper” and BishopP saw the pressure build, and early wickets came in the form of an outrageous tumbling boundary catch from Jerry, and an outrageous-er effort from Billy with a backwards-running-one-hander at mid-off. Not to be out-done, Jerry took up the bowling mantle and quickly had the opposition on toast (no doubt served alongside some goose terrine sourced from the nearby wetlands centre), taking 4-14 from his opening 3 overs. Sensing a quick conclusion to the innings with the score at 50-7 (as the scoreboard showed, turns out it was actually 50-6), Captain Webb summoned Jamieson for a final over to FINISH THE JOB, however despite excellent lines he wasn’t able to and returned to prowl the boundary with figures of 4-20. AND THEN IT BEGAN. What may well be a record partnership for the 7th wicket at this ground between these two teams, Clapham-ites Frecknall and Clack put on a well-paced unbroken partnership of 104, with only a drop on the boundary and a few top edges providing close calls. Their umpires also didn’t seem to know the differences between wides and no-balls, depriving the baying crowd the chance to see a few ever-entertaining Free Hits (naming rights still available). Required score: 155. The interval saw threats to the team from star turn Jamieson, should the Plastics not give away any run-out chances during the chase, and Captain Webb similarly promising thunder if the Plastics XI ended up having 3 wickets remaining but not reaching the target. With those words ringing in their ears, the opening partnerships set about running hard and gaining the Bronze. A first-ball 4 saw BishopR at the other end declaring the Plastics were well ahead of the required run rate, and he quickly sought to correct this by seeing out a maiden in the second over, before departing caught. Mortimer was unlucky to chip to short cover shortly afterwards, which brought in Webster for a bit of slap and giggle alongside Gillan. 28 runs followed, before the latter earned one of the Jamieson-demanded runouts, leaving 100 required to win from 13 overs. A fabbo partnership between late call-up Billy and Webster saw power hitting and quick running apiece. As the skin of the Plastics bronzed in the Barnes sun (sort of), the chances of a glorious tournament bronze also grew, and despite losing Billy LBW with another 30 required, Anderson and Webster could sniff the metallic scent of victory. A free hit allowed Webster to pull off a delightful JerryScoop and finish on 63* off notverymany balls, before Anderson smote a mighty six over square-leg to seal the victory. |
THE TEAMFormed from a collection of players who met on the internet via social cricket at Archbishop's Park, Plastics XI represents the foolhardy members of that group who decided they wanted a bash at proper cricket instead of playing with plastic balls. The team's ability is best described as "weak-weak". Luckily, our social media game is much stronger. Find us on: Archives
October 2021
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