In which Alex frustrated 11 blokes who were looking forward to watching the end of the cricket30/6/2019 Scorecard After a disappointing set of results it was great to see a return to our dominant winning ways this weekend! Sadly whilst England were doing that, the Plastics lost, despite their beautiful shiny new Baggy Fandangos.
We started brightly with a tidy run out from Jerry and an LBW from JJ Junior in the first over. Then things unravelled slightly, as their number 4 (who we tragically dropped on 10) turned out to be quite good. . Whilst he set about dismantling our bowlers on his way to 100 (retired) we did still enjoy some highlights - Simon got two consecutive maidens and had their opener caught by Joey at slip and Jerry took a fine catch off Joey's bowling to deny their number 5 a half century. Some very tidy bowling towards the end limited the damage with Matt and Jerry using their pace to stifle the run rate. Phil and Matt helped themselves to two 2 wickets each, including a couple of bail-splintering bowled deliveries and Jerry and Anthony combined with a run out in the final over. With 290 the target, optimism was in short supply during tea. Our pessimism appeared well founded as Robert was on the wrong side of a contentious lbw decision while Anthony and new boy Ian deputised for the absent Mark by spooning to cover. Charlie continued his James Vince batting style by looking good before edging a drive to the keeper. Joey showed off some classic big shots before edging behind while Phil didn't waste any time before joining the "spoon to cover" club. Just when things were looking rather desperate at 46-6 Alex and skipper Jerry decided to make a game of things and kicked off a cracking partnership of 86. Jerry eventually fell for 27 off 51, but Alex powered on. Matt and Simon came and went before JJ Junior came along for the final partnership. He did well (mostly because Alex didn't let him face a ball) but in the end it was Alex himself that holed out to deep square leg for a glorious 93. Plastics all out for 177 after 34.5 overs.
1 Comment
Scorecard Plastics XI 166 all out (P. Bishop 55, Webster 55) Vs Norwood Exiles 159 all out (Shafiq 43, Tonkin 37)
Set in the foothills beneath Crystal Palace, South Norwood cricket ground played host to game 9 of the Plastic's 2019 season versus the Norwood Exiles. This picturesque ground adjoins a small sailing club, the boathouse acting as the ground's pavilion. The wicket itself was almost as green as the outfield, and with its deterioration in mind, the Plastics under Captain Mark Davies chose to bat first. Plastics got off to a rough start. Excellent spells from the opening bowlers applied pressure and took the wickets of Oliver and Dewhirst leaving Plastics 16-2. P. Bishop and Gillan tried to dig in, but the pitch was difficult to rely on and made runs hard to come by. Gillan fell victim to one that held up in the pitch, spooning it back to the bowler, the score now 52-3. Webster came to the crease, still searching for his first real score of the season and combined with Bishop to pull Plastics past 100. Bishop's scratchy innings ended just after he past 50, falling LBW to some very tight leg spin from Haider. Webster raced to 50, seemingly ignoring the conditions, before being caught off of Parfitt. The Captain, Saj and Sandham added some vital runs, but the tail was cleaned up by some accurate bowling by Tonkin. The Plastics innings ended 168 all out. Norwoods's run chase started positively, the openers putting on a partnership of 68 after 18 overs. The breakthrough came just before drinks: P. Bishop with his first ball trapping Arthur LBW for a well made 34. In at number 3, after a glorious cover drive and looking dangerous, Haider was also dismissed by P. Bishop, caught by Davies at short mid-wicket. Plastics looked like they were on top, however some fantastic hitting by Shafiq, mainly dealing in 6s down the ground, put the home side firmly back in the driving seat. Plastics clawed their way back with some extremely tight overs from Saj, Papa and Saril. Tonkin holed out to Webster at long on off Saril for 37, while Shafiq did the same off of Papa, caught Gillan. An excellent 43 consisting of 4 6s, the Plastics knew the significance of Shafiq's wicket; if they could get through the tail and stem the runs victory would be theirs. Steel added 15 runs to the total, however Saril and Papa kept things tight. Enter Jamie Doy. With 10 needed off the last over, Doy have the tail no room to maneuver with some brilliant bowling at the death. Norwood had failed to chase down the total, falling just 8 runs shy. Valiant contributions had been made by all the bowlers, not just in the form of wickets but also in the form of dot balls. Victory at Norwood marked only the second victory for the Plastics this season in 40 over games. Norwood proved tough adversaries and the game was played in fantastic spirit, we will definitely be back next year. A quick Google of today's opposition reveals that the "Trinibis" in their name appears to be unique as a suffix amongst cricket clubs, and not only that, but unique as a word in English.
Unfortunately for the Plastics XI, the pattern of this match was very much not unique and followed almost exactly the same path as last year's fixture. A brief chat with the opposition skipper revealed that their league team had snaffled several of their players to fill spots for the concurrent fixture on the other pitch and as such he didn't really know how strong their team was; as the Plastics were fortunate enough to have one of their stronger batting line ups available, a gentleman's agreement for them to bowl first to make a day of it. This was only the first of many parallels to be drawn with the 2018 match up between these two teams. Matt opened the bowling, focusing on a leg stump line to prevent batsmen from driving down the slope and in another unique feat, didn't bowl a single wide or no ball from his tight four over spell. Phil roared in from the other end and bowled a canny mix of unexpected bounce and back of the hand slower balls, extracted the opener attempting a pull with Alex taking a steepler at point. This was only the start of another excellent bowling performance against this opposition- Joey bowling a mix of impossible-to-judge legspin and searing pace, claiming a proper wicket as Dom took a smart catch behind, and JEVS flighting everything up and dropping it full to take two wickets in two balls, both bowled. Iain bowled spectacularly well on debut and finished with incredible figures of 7.2-3-11-2, and Simon kept it tight against Holtwhites best batsman. The true hero though, was JEVS, coming back on in his second spell, and completing only the third Plastics Pffeifer! Adding an LBW, a caught and bowled, and even a catch in the field (the ball popping up nicely to Simon at mid-off to take one of those simple catches that everyone dreads putting down), limiting the opposition to an eminently chaseable 132. Or so your author thought. Those of you following the theme of this match report and familiar with last season's match will recognise that Jerry's equally superb five wicket haul was followed by a desperately inadequate batting perfomance. Your author would love to reassure our reader at this point that this didn't happen on this occasion, but can only suggest instead that you do not read this in a professional environment because barring one or two exceptions, the Plastics batting was very much NSFW. First up, Pete Bishop, who looked the business even when clipping a half volley straight into the hands of mid-wicket. Then Alex the next to fall on his sword by chopping it straight to the same fielder at point. James Heis battled valiantly against the weight of history and his teammates deciding not to bother but eventually fell when offering a return catch to the bowler; he hit it bloody hard and 99 times out of 100 it would have burst through the bowlers hands and over the boundary. This was not one of those 99 times and the bowler emerged with stinging palms and a beatific smile. Dom, becalmed by the threat of the slope got a great ball that moved from leg to off and bowled him for a 6 ball duck. Matt (promoted himself up the order due to dodgy knees) and James Dewhirst looked to be steadying the ship, playing every ball on it's merits and watchfully letting the more harmless ones go by; at least, until Matt left a straight one that he thought was going down leg and got pinned lbw and eventually departed after setting a terrible example to the kids watching on TV by questioning the decision of the umpire. James eventually got bowled for 15 after ignoring his own sensible advice and trying to twat one, as did Phil. JEVS came in and got 16 off eight (A Gayle-esque innings where he swatted 4 consecutive fours through backward square) before again being bowled! Still, it was the second highest innings of the match and enough for the second Double Sandham of the season. Simon and Iain, in stark contrast to the rest of the team, played very doggedly, playing out 2 maidens and occasionally taking the odd single, before Iain put away one just begging to be hit, and tried to repeat it next ball before being bowled. So- all out for 100, after a bowler takes a five for to restrict the opposition, then failing to chase a decent total. The fielding and bowling electric throughout the oppositions innings, but a lack of application with the bat eventually yielding a heavy defeat...it seems like this is becoming a bit of a theme for our pink clad antiheroes. Still, the tea was excellent and pints in the clubhouse were only £3.20 so in a very real sense everyone was a winner that day. Hopes were high when on 9 June 2019 the Plastics returned to the cricket pitch to face the unusually named ‘Gentlemen of West London’; fresh off the back of four consecutive defeats, the Plastics were keen to bounce back from a tough start to the season. A sleepless night had been spent studying the opposition’s (beautifully maintained) statistics page for any tactical insights, upon which it was discovered that the Gentlemen’s captain had not only scored more runs personally (6,258) than the Plastics as a team have ever, but had repeated this trick for bowling (406 wickets), and catches (106) too. Undeterred, when the Plastics (and Peter, a while later) arrived at the ground there was an unmistakable air of optimism.
The match started well, with Saril and Jamie bowling some tight, deceptive lines and enjoying the rewards of doing so, with Jamie picking up the wicket of Dubey (8) (caught by Jerry at point), and Saril (never to be outdone) repeating the trick with the other opener H. Patel (3) (caught by Robert at mid on). Things were going worryingly well for the Plastics at this stage with the Gentlemen seemingly struggling at 18-2. Reassuringly, normal service was soon resumed thanks to a fine innings by both Kota (88*) and Gulati (48) who put on a partnership of 107; after a few overs of Tom M-G and Jerry to get their eye in, they soon found their rhythm. Tom TESCO enjoyed a productive spell, the quality of which was not reflected in his figures, before JEVS reminded everybody of his rightful place at the top of the bowling hierarchy: bowling with furious intent (either derived from his demotion to second change, or the as-yet lack of socials footage), he prised Gulati out moments before his half century, before delivering what can only be described as the ‘fifth ball of the over’ to bowl an incredulous Caveney for 14. The good times kept coming for the Plastics, with Jamie soon picking up his second as Namilikonda (1) attempted a reversey-sweep switch-hitty thing. The Plastics have seen a fair few strange things on cricket pitches (usually from one of their own), but Namilikonda’s incredulous fury as to how and why he got out did raise a few bemused (and very empathetic) eyebrows. Not much happened for the rest of the innings. Nothing at all. Certainly not a 20 ball maiden 50 from Sudireddy (52), half of it coming via smacking the author over his head for 6, repeatedly. It really was a very uneventful (and most importantly, forgettable) 10 overs, at the end of which the Gentlemen found themselves with a very healthy score of 242 from 35 overs. Tea was tasty – perhaps too tasty, as the Plastics were lulled into a slumber that was abruptly broken in the second over of the Plastics’s innings as the ball careered into the top of Robert’s (2) middle stump. Pete B strode out, and quickly strode back in that same over (diplomatically achieving the same score as his brother) - suddenly the plastics appeared to be in treacherous water. If the water was treacherous when Pete B got out, it quickly transformed into a tsunami-like state after Peter O (0), Alex (0), Matt (0), and Tom TESCO (0) fell in the next three overs leaving the Plastics 7/6 (yes, really) - the two Gentlemen new ball bowlers of Namilikonda and Chatharaju running rampant. The Plastics’s lowest ever score of 52 seemed an impossibly high objective when JEVS and Tom M-G came to the crease, and although JEVS fell for a Plastics record-equalling 5th duck, he had played an important anchoring role in a 16 run partnership which brought the plastics to a heady 23/7. Jerry was next up the crease - and with 219 runs still to chase and 35 overs still to do it, was eyeing up the glory of being the first Plastic to reach a double tonne. He was so confident in his batting ability that it took an umpire (after one ball had been bowled) to point out that he had arrived at the middle without any leg pads on. After failing to sell the notion that these were just mind games he returned to the crease somewhat sheepishly with the correct attire, before proceeding to shell out to longish squareish midwicket for 8, in a thoroughly undignified fashion. Nevertheless, the Plastics had by this stage reached 49/8, with 53 just one boundary away. Saril was pulled away from his raindance and came in at number 9, hitting the ball with confidence that belied having held a cricket bat just once in the last 6 months, on his way to striking an imperious 13*, helping to take the plastics far and beyond a number of previous low scores - with Jamie acting as a worthy partner before he fell for 2 at the end of the innings as the plastics finished 90 all out. You may have wondered where all the runs had been coming from for the Plastics. Under the pretence that readers only remember the start and finish of anything over two paragraphs long, I have chosen to save any mention Tom M-G’s batting performance until the end so as to truly reflect the heroism that his innings represented. In the middle for 75 of the Plastics’s 90 run total, Tom’s 46 runs represented a flagrant disregard the bowling which was carving through his fellow teammates; sixes and fours were struck with abandon - epitomised when Tom (presumably having come to the conclusion that this was getting unfair on the bowlers) felt that he should bat left handed to even things out somewhat. Top marks, and a new personal plastics high score is a just reward. The Gentlemen of West London were a lovely opposition who played with exactly the right spirit. Whilst we regret not being able to give them more of a game, we hope to have an opportunity to right those wrongs in a rematch next summer. e to edit. Railway Taverners 275 – 4 (E. Reilly 122, G. Powles 85*) vs Plastics XI 208 all out (P. Byrne 33, R. Bishop 23)
I woke up the day after Liverpool had won the champions league for the 6th time, hung over and a little tired. The sunlight was shining through my thin, moth ruined curtains so I couldn’t sleep anymore. I walked downstairs to find the mess of the night before. I had had a bbq but couldn’t be arsed to tidy because that’s how it is. I went to cricket and finally found my fellow Plasticians in one of the 32 grounds in Highgate. I practised my bowling to see if I was still any good. I really was – it was the best warm up anyone had ever seen. The match started and you could tell the other bowlers had not had the same quality of warm up as myself. Taverner’s captain, E. Reilly bossed the play scoring 122 and G. Powles (who would be a Welsh international if they could be bothered to form their own team) impressed, scoring 87 not out. I will not discuss the 2 overs I bowled which went for 22. The best bowling figures went to Mark and Jerry who both got 1-38 off of their 8 overs – an impressive return considering the total of 275 the Railway Taverner’s set. I opened the batting with the stoic Robert Bishop. I unfortunately got out for 20 to the ball of the century from Big D. James Dewhirst was next to go, bowled by Buster for a beautiful 4. Robert’s 45 ball 23 came to its end when he was also bowled – this time by Big Andy. Liam was steady in his score of 9 (it took him 15 balls to get off 0) before being caught off Barry’s bowling. It should be noted that Barry is 80 years old - I’m not exaggerating, he was actually 80. Anthony scored 15 but got caught trying to push the tempo. Hughie, brother to captain Jerry, scored 21 (including his first ever 6) before being caught. Saj’s 2ndgame for the club almost ended controversially, with G. Powles threatening to Mankad him. It would have been fair, he was 2 metres down the pitch whenever G. Powles was bowling. Saj learnt from this, but it didn’t stop him getting caught for 10. Mark played a traditional innings where he was caught for 10 at extra cover. The lower order started to hit out as we needed 140 from the last 9 overs. Phil impressed with an unbeaten 33. Bradbury continued to push the tempo with his 16. Jerry decided to scoop his first ball, despite Phil putting together an impressive innings from the other end. He missed the ball, the ball missed the stumps. The Taverners laughed. I’ve got tired of writing this. Anyway, Jerry then batted more traditionally, hit the biggest six since records began before getting out bowled next ball. Mulligan, the bowler, taking his first ever wicket. The plastics were all out for 208 off 38.3 overs. We lost. |
THE TEAMFormed from a collection of players who met on the internet via social cricket at Archbishop's Park, Plastics XI represents the foolhardy members of that group who decided they wanted a bash at proper cricket instead of playing with plastic balls. The team's ability is best described as "weak-weak". Luckily, our social media game is much stronger. Find us on: Archives
October 2021
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