A factual match report for the game vs Clapham Nomads on 24th June 2018.
2pm start, toss lost by Charlie, Nomads chose to bat first. 1st Innings, Clapham Nomads, 6-245 off 35 overs. Bowling performances
Other Notes Multiple people reported seeing Robert leap in to the air and catch (single handed) a ball that by rights (and previously accepted laws of physics) should have comfortably sailed over him. That sounds unlikely though - so I am putting it down to sun-induced hallucination. The Clapham Nomads were very generous with both wides and no ball calls for which the Plastics are thankful. The Plastics' field settings during this game can be best described as “round”. <<< Interval >>> MR Trivia - A thermoSETTING plastic is a plastic that hardens when heat is applied to it. A thermoSOFTENING plastic melts when heated. The Plastics XI are part of the latter group. <<<Interval Ends>>>> 2nd Innings - Plastics all out for 84 off 28.1 overs. Batting summary
Other Notes If the Plastics had batted their full allocation of overs, the game would have finished at an absurd hour. Everyone should be thankful that we did not. MR Trivia - Part 2. Matt Webb owns a solid gold phone. Match Statistics
Special Thanks Credit to M. Webb for providing this week's headline - and Alex for his highly rated (and R-rated) erotic commentary throughout the day (dog!). The next game will be in somewhere in or near Croydon and will take place on Sunday 1st of July.
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After their storming start to the season, two wins from two, eager pundits were describing the Plastics as “The Real Madrid of south London’s weak-weak cricket scene”. Unfortunately with a couple of losses, these accolades have been withdrawn, for now at least. Nevertheless they approached the next game with optimism. With the Holtwhites Trinibis fielding a polarised team, half experienced old hands, half energetic youth, this appeared to be a difficult side to contain. Matthew Webb, making his captaincy debut, won / negotiated the toss, and the Plastics got their fielding boots on.
Captain Webb announced that “The Terror of Pimlico” would be opening the bowling. After a confused silence, Matt explained that he meant Jerry, who promptly obliged, sending down some testing pacy deliveries, aided by a delightfully sloping wicket. Simon, who had fought hard to get his preferred end (uphill into the wind) shared new ball duties with Jerry. It was Jerry who made the first breakthrough, a bouncing delivery taking the glove of the opener, with Peter taking a nice catch down the leg side. He nearly had a second, narrowly missing what would have been an excellent caught and bowled. The first change brought captain Webb and the Evil (Pete) Bishop into the attack. Wickets were hard to come by, the Trinibis middle order playing attritional cricket with Webb and Bishop sending down an incredibly tight middle spell of 10 overs for about as many runs. Eventually Matt knocked back the other openers’ middle stump and Jevs soon joined the wickets, clean bowling a batsman who was just getting settled, instilling a sense of optimism among the Plastics. Holtwhites then put together a solid middle order partnership, but just when the runs were starting to flow, and a half-century had been brought up Jerry returned to the attack, clean bowling both batsmen. Another couple quickly followed and suddenly the Terror of Pimlico had a flippin’ five-fer! An excellent spell of bowling fully deserving of the prestigious title of First Plastics 5-for and sole place on the newly erected Plastics Honours Board (found in the clubhouse/public toilets at Archbishop’s Park). Joey came on to bowl a spell of beguiling leg spin, googlies and wrong ‘uns leaving the batsmen red-faced. A deserved wicket came thanks to the best catch of the season so far, a spectacular diving effort from Joey’s work buddy Elliot, certainly the talk of coffee breaks for weeks to come. Once the younger members of the Trinibis had come to the crease, Matt decided that who better to bowl at kids barely 5 foot tall than the Plastics’ specialist short pitch, aggressive bowler and duly brought himself on, much to the dismay of the youngsters. However, Matt surprised everyone by unveiling a brand new side to his game, pitching it up outside off, much to the relief of the players and onlookers. Holtwhites closed on 180 – 8, a challenging total, which would require a Plastics record run chase. However, with Mexico beating Germany in the World Cup, the Plastics decided anything was possible. Whereas Experience had opened the batting for the Trinibis, it was Youth that opened the bowling, with one young opener bowling with pace down the slope and an even younger opener bowling some tricky deliveries up the slope. After straying in his line for a few balls, the young bowlers’ head started to drop and Leo later admitted that at that point he found himself wondering whether it’s ok for a grown man to hit an 11 year old to the boundary when he’s already having a hard time of it. Fortunately Leo didn’t have to wonder much longer as the 11 year old in question soon produced a delivery far too good for him and sent him on his way before the scorers had figured out how to work the fancy electronic score box. Mike Winter Joined Peter at the crease and after some watching and waiting, Mike decided it was time to hit out, with successive slog sweeps through mid-wicket giving the Plastics some much needed impetus. Sadly Mike and Peter fell in quick succession to the nippy opener, bringing Mr Robert and debutant Elliot to the crease. Both batsmen played themselves in, but just as he was looking comfortable, Elliot was trapped in front. Next up was Jevs, who put on a very handy partnership with Mr Robert, making good use of the quick, sloping outfield to find the boundaries and put on 48 for the 5th wicket. At the height of the run scoring, Mr Robert HIT A WONDERFUL STRAIGHT SIX RIGHT BACK OVER THE BOWLER'S HEAD. The crowd went wild and there was much celebration of this feat, an inspiration to cautious, slenderly built batsmen, who quietly whispered to one another “Can we hit sixes now, is this a thing?” After falling agonisingly close to a maiden half-century, Mr R trudged back to the pavilion. The one positive from this was that with the Plastics' big-hitting lower order to come, surely this meant the total would be knocked off quickly and we’d soon be at the bar, right? One of the two predictions turned out to be true. From the comfort of the bar, the Plastics could only wonder what could have been. What if Matt knew when to call a run? What if Jerry had batted as well as he bowled? Sadly it was not to be, but fun was had by all and with career and team milestones reached, the trip up to far north of London was a worthwhile one. This felt like a game that could have gone either way and with a fixture arranged for next year, we’ll look forward to having another shot. It’s safe to say that by then the youngsters from this game will be far too good for us, but no doubt a new generation will step up to fill the gap and, on the advice of their older brothers, will probably bowl it on the stumps to Joey. Fresh from a close match with the Railway Taverners the previous week, Sunday saw the Plastics venture down south (west) – heading to SW19 to commemorate the symbolic 22-day point until the start of Wimbledon (and also play a game of cricket too). Our opponents were the Battersea Badgers, with the build-up mostly consisting of rumours that this team – similar to most sides we encounter – would be much better than us. After arriving at Haydons Road Recreation Ground and following a very brief clearing of the outfield that sorely missed Mr. Robert’s leadership, a toss probably happened. Or was there a toss? That is information that this particular match reporter is not privy to. Assuming there was no conspiracy surrounding the toss, somebody won it and the Badgers were batting first. There were many questions to be answered by this game; would Matt curb his relentless enthusiasm in the field after picking up a painful-looking injury in the last outing? Would Jamie manage to avoid heatstroke, or finally be taken by the sun? Why does the owner of a house adjacent to the pitch hate cricket so much that they felt the need to install highly reflective solar panels on their roof which blind anybody that dares to play the sport? To be fair, you can probably answer that first question without reading on. And so the cricket began in what were glorious conditions for being outside. As non-existent rumours circled that part-time Badger and Plastics captain Charlie may have attempted to fix the game, those worries soon subsided as fierce sledging went back and forth between the skipper and the Badgers players. The game started in promising fashion for the Plastics, as Jamie struck with the final ball of his first over to remove opener Rhori. The wickets continued to fall as Jerry, Joey and Matt all got in on the action to reduce the Badgers to 71-4. Predictably, Matt’s enthusiastic fielding meant he had aggravated his knee injury and required first aid during the drinks break. Needing to settle the ship with many overs still to come, the Badgers found a crucial partnership in the form of Bam Bam and Charlie’s mortal enemy J.Lee. It was a case of wham, Bam Bam, thank you ma’am as the excellent number three batsman amassed a mammoth 137 in a fine knock. After Charlie brought himself on to bowl to trigger a grudge match with J.Lee, the batsman rode out the challenge posed by Charlie’s darting deliveries and went on to play an excellent supporting role, scoring 58. Despite Matt finally prising Bam Bam from the crease at 203-5, the Plastics were still up against it as the strong batting kept coming – Charlie's inside knowledge informed us in advance that the next batsman coming in was actually their properly good batsman. A mini-collapse ensued as the Badgers lost their last four wickets for 32 runs, but unfortunately for us, they had already posted a huge 314 on the board. Facing a challenging total, the Plastics went into the run chase buoyed by the knowledge that we had achieved a moral victory in bowling out the Badgers. Leo and Maithri opened for the Plastics, and things were looking promising as they settled in and got us to 28-0 after seven overs. After some typically sublime shots from Leo, he gracefully walked after nicking one behind for 16. Maithri dug in, proving why he will be central to achieving our goal for the season of actually lasting a full 40-over innings. He hit a determined 18 off 55, with Mike's dismissal generating controversy in the meantime when he was given out – and reinstated – after getting bat on a ball that was originally given LBW, before being clean-bowled. With an already tough chase now looking difficult at 51-3, the Plastics struggled to stem the flow of wickets as Jevs and Pete came and went. Now at 63-5, it was Saril’s turn to grace the crease after he had cleared his pockets of “foreign objects”.
After a vehicle pulled up in the car park and began blasting out music to bring a T20 vibe to proceedings, Charlie was next to fall, much to the delight of the Badgers. Saril put in an entertaining cameo, hitting some nice shots in a breezy 15 off 13. Joey decided to follow suit and hit a similarly urgent 17 off 12. Up above 100 with two wickets left in hand, Jerry and Matt offered some resistance, before the dismissals of Jerry and final man Jamie left Matt stood up the other end 92 runs short of what could have been his maiden century. While the scoreboard showed a 192-run defeat, there were positives to be taken from the game. The fielding was of a high standard and, despite the bowling figures, it was a strong effort with the ball too that was simply met with fantastic batting. The games are coming thick and fast now, meaning that the Plastics will not have to wait long for their shot at redemption when they take on the Holtwhites Trinibis at the weekend. Be there or be square! A spirited display by the Plastics was not enough to avoid a narrow defeat, as the Taverners demonstrated their batting experience to chase down 170 with just 1 over left to play.
Despite their early season success, the Plastics went into this game with a number of question marks. Where would the runs come from without Alex? Could such a bowler-heavy squad hope to survive a full 35 overs? Would anyone step up and stamp their name on positions 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 or 11? Was Joey still even alive? The match started in worrying fashion with skipper Charlie reverting to old habits and losing the toss. Stripped of the opportunity to hide their batting abilities for as long as possible, the Plastics would instead have to go out and set a defendable total. There was optimism in the air though as the Plastics opted to try a brand new opening partnership of Niall and Peter. Disappointment followed as Peter fell victim to a LBW decision early on - a decision which will do little to quieten the persistent suggestions that umpires may be biased against the Plastics - but this disappointment was heavily tempered by the antics of his fellow opener. Despite the fears that Niall's destructive lower-order talents would be wasted by him opening, the gamble paid off as Plastics fans saw him chalk up a best ever score of 1, courtesy of a fine slap through the covers. He was unfortunate to subsequently spoon a half-volley straight down the throat of mid-on, but Plastics fans will be cautiously wondering if the search for Leo's opening partner may finally be over. Charlie and Mark dug in and formed a productive partnership, Mark in particular demonstrating superb maturity and concentration for a man who had thrown up on a train less than 14 hours ago. Defending the good balls and scoring off the bad ones allowed them to clock up a crucial partnership of 67, with Charlie happy to play a supporting role to Mark's increasingly destructive batting. 13 runs for Charlie and a superb 45 from Mark - a personal best - had seen the Plastics get right back into the game. Unfortunately Mark's dismissal - cleaned bowled by a good delivery - saw the start of a classic Plastics collapse. Charlie edged a wide one on to his stumps before Tom, playing in his first ever Plastics fixture, was given his marching orders on just one after playing around a low full toss - an lbw decision which he had absolutely no qualms with and didn't bring up at all over the next few hours. Crowd-favourite James meanwhile was frustrated to find himself marching back to the pavilion after missing a straight one, also going for just 1 run. Having gone from 70-2 to 76-6 in just 4 overs, the Plastics were rocking. With Maithri and Joey at the crease there were no questions about their batting talent, but many questions about Maithri's match form and Joey's temperament / blood-alcohol level. Sure enough, nervous spectators were treated to the sight of Joey attempting a number of wild but ineffective shots, none more so than an attempting heave off a 78-year-old spinner which deflected the ball onto his stumps. Miraculously though the bails held firm - the Taverners would need to find another way to dislodge the Australian from the crease. A close shave can often give a batsman a new lease of life, and Joey began to look increasingly settled at the crease - even demonstrating a "block" much to the delight of the crowd. As his confidence grew the fours and sixes began to stack up, with the Taverners becoming increasingly frustrated at the accelerating run rate. At the other end Maithri proved to be the perfect folly, rotating the strike and demonstrating his expansive range of shots. With Maithri bowled on 17, Matt (5 runs) and Jerry (2 runs) came in to support Joey in the final overs, the latter scoring a sensational ramp shot to put to bed any suspicions that he would "never have the bottle to do it in an actual match". The innings concluded with Joey getting caught on 62 - a new personal best - and a superbly entertaining contribution. The Plastics would now look to defend an imposing target of 170. Tidy starts from opening pair Jerry and Jamie kicked off the innings in promising style - both picking up early maidens. Then disaster struck. Strike bowler Jamie, having achieved impressive figures of 4-1-11-0 was hit by a sudden and vicious ailment. As he left the pitch, the Plastics exchanged nervous glances. They would need to find a way to win with just 10 men. There was plenty of decent bowling to come however, Tom's superbly miserly figures (4-0-10-1) piling on the pressure at one end, whilst Matt's pace and variety brought the wickets. An excellent 3-fer for the bald paceman, his energy and enthusiasm reaping rewards, and the prize scalp of their skipper and best batsman - taken behind with a superb catch by Peter. Joey and Maithri will both be frustrated with their figures, but figures often don't tell the whole story. Asked to bowl as the Taverners looked to accelerate, both bowled spells that could've seen handfuls of wickets on a different day. Indeed more than a 3rd of Joey's runs were conceded in one unfortunate 3 ball spell. Soon though his length was fixed, and just a single streaky 4 conceded off his final 2 overs, and the batsmen overheard muttering "he's only got one more over, try and see him out". It was a case of the good, the bad and the ugly for Maithri meanwhile, as he mixed unplayable deliveries with beamers. Indeed the Taverner's top scorer would later concede that "when he got it right he was causing me no end of problems". A fantastic run-out from Tom and Peter led to an exciting finish - the Taverners needing 30-odd off the last 5 overs with only 1 recognised batsman at the crease. A disciplined and classy display saw them reach their target with an over to spare, however, concluding a fascinating and entertaining game of cricket. Defeat can be hard to take, but the Plastics will look back fondly on a game which had a bit of everything - a close contest, fun, well-matched opposition, free food and drink at the pub afterwards and the discovery that Jamie was still alive. |
THE TEAMFormed from a collection of players who met on the internet via social cricket at Archbishop's Park, Plastics XI represents the foolhardy members of that group who decided they wanted a bash at proper cricket instead of playing with plastic balls. The team's ability is best described as "weak-weak". Luckily, our social media game is much stronger. Find us on: Archives
October 2021
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