Crouch End 325 - 5 (Kaskana 124*) beat Plastics 185 all out (Bradbury 55) by 140 runs
Jerry’s dad’s private jet flew me back from Thailand especially for this important fixture vs Crouch End. I’d used this flight time to get myself pumped, I watched Mean Girls on loop and then repeatedly just quietly said the word cricket, interspersed occasionally with dog. I could tell when I turned up to the ground, the other players had spent their journey to the ground doing the exact same. The Plastics, for the first time since membership was introduced in 2017, had a team full only of members. Perhaps this was why the match result was a heavy Plastics defeat. King Kaptain KCharlie (hereafter KKK) won the toss and elected to bowl first. The first 10 overs flew by, with just 45 runs conceded - Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jamieson (JJJJJ) and Simon bowling tightly for most of that. No wickets were taken though, largely due to a lack of chances created and a dropped catch by Peter - continuing JJJJJ’s wicketless run. The next 10 overs went for 88 runs, Webb, Doy and KKK were the unfortunate bowlers in this period. Both Crouch End openers were settled and utilising the short offside boundary (which was, unsurprisingly, the leg side when we bowled from the other end). At 133-0 drinks were taken, it seemed watching Mean Girls hadn’t worked in the desired fashion. Maithri and JEVS came on to bowl after drinks. I had a good feeling JEVS was going to get a wicket off a leg side heave, but my feelings were wrong. It reminded me of when I had a feeling that Christmas 2017 was going to be great, but shortly before it my Grandma died. Anyway, Maithri’s second over got him a wicket. It was a peach of a delivery which clipped the top of off stump, removing the opener for an accomplished innings of 45. At the other end, Kaskana pushed himself past a century before retiring on 124 - a chanceless innings of a player worthy of medium-medium status. Webb and JJJJJ returned to the attack, despite both having ailments. Webb could only run 10 yards before trying to cough his lungs up, while JJJJJ had a hurty foot. Despite Webb’s cough, which he reliably informed me didn’t stop him performing in the bedroom the night before, he took 3 quick wickets. These were all off of slower balls, two were bowled and one was caught. Webb couldn’t have been happier to have bowled Alom, whose audacious scoop first ball for 4 made Webb even angrier than the time I called him Spiderman. Jamie and Simon came back on for the last 4 overs of the innings. Simon successfully ran out Sandler. The decision of Sandler to call a run was certainly questionable, Simon had essentially got the ball in his hands 3 yards from the stumps when the run was called for. In this incident Simon got injured, no surprise there. The 40 over innings was finally over at 325 - 5, a difficult chase would follow. Lunch was good n that. Curry? Yes please. Pancake Greasey Bhaji thing? Yeah, looks good! Sandwich on Tiger bread? Don’t mind if I do. Fried Chilli in Batter? Never again. Maithri and KKK went out to open our innings. Maithri quickly returned, getting bowled round his legs by a 14-year-old for 0. Robert and Charlie, however, recovered the situation very nicely - batting at a decent pace and taking the score to 89-1 off 14 overs. To put this in context, Crouch End were 82-0 after their 14 overs. The chase was on. Unfortunately, Plastics are Plastics. Robert got out for 29 trying to play one too many shots over the top of the infield in attempt to push the tempo. His innings was impressive and was in no sense restricted by the irritating acne spot in his armpit. KKK was bowled soon after by the same bowler. During KKK’s record breaking innings of 55, he played some exquisite drives, pulls and one cheeky Chinese cut. A top innings from the fella. He also got a deserved hug from Robert, who sprinted over from the non-striker's end to celebrate when KKK had reached his 50. A lovely moment. Mark and I were now at the crease. Mark took spin bowler Tanner for 23 runs off one over hammering the ball all over. I was more cautious, riddled with self-doubt following my reduced belief in my lucky pink dowel. I was bowled for 5 having missed a ball which was hitting the stumps. As Mark continued his attacking innings, he was joined briefly by JEVS who was given LBW (in his view, wrongfully) for 2 before Matt got a golden duck and the score moved to 137-6. In the next over Mark was caught where he is always caught (at mid off) and the collapse was complete, the score was 138-7. The plastics had been 90-1. Jerry played an exciting innings of 36, his highest for the club, which included his unpatented scoop and a massive straight six. This six was his first ever, and rightfully got a celebration as it smacked into the sightscreen. Peter played stoically for a 20ish-ball 1. His innings was typically unexciting. Jamie got a little go with the bat too, but Simon’s bad back meant plastics were all out when the 9th wicket went down. A score of 185 was achieved, unfortunately that was nowhere near enough. The drinks after the game were good. I left the Plastics in the club house and met up with my housemates in our local Wetherspoons. I had a nice burger and plenty to drink (despite the pump on all the draught beers not working). This is when I agreed to do the match report. Sober me wasn’t so happy.
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Roehampton Bats 302-3 (Pepperel 101*, Nelson 73, Papa 1-74) beat Plastics 169 all out (Anderson 39, Alex H 22, Da Silva 4-60) by 133 runs.
The Plastics have long since become acclimated to the feeling of losing heavily. But rarely have our losses come at the end of a prolonged (three games) period of winning. As it was, on a sunny Saturday evening at the Barnes Common Cricket Ground, the Plastics very much regressed to the mean against Roehampton Bats. Before the game, the rumours circulating the cricketing world were that the Plastics may have finally ditched their “weak-weak” identity. A reputation hard-earned by hours upon hours of wayward bowling, inadequate batting and laughable fielding may have been finally cast aside after a frighteningly competent run of form in which the team found themselves winning three consecutive games of cricket against three sides of upstanding reputation and credibility. So it was that they went into the game against Roehampton Bats feeling somewhat emboldened. The 40-over game the previous year had seen them on the receiving end of a chastening defeat and there was optimism that, on this beautiful September's day, on this winning streak, some wrongs could be less-wronged. Some things never change though, as captain Matt(y) lost the toss and the Plastics were stuck in to field under the watchful eyes of one spectator sitting on a bench, and many more who had bought plane tickets out of Heathrow just so they could catch a passing glimpse of the encounter from above. There were five changes from the waterlogged game against Cumnor Challengers the previous week. Out went Robert, Jerry, Alex, Charlie, Pete and Jamie. In came Mark, Maithri, Dom, John and Elliot – a last-minute effort to sign Liam Livingstone proving unsuccessful. Opening the bowling would be Saril and Maithri who set about ensuring that the Roehampton openers made a watchful start; the first 8 overs yielding just 18 runs. But it was clear that the batsmen were getting set and wickets would be needed. So, Matt brought himself on for the first change and just a mere 105 runs and 14 overs later, the partnership was broken with Elliot bringing Davison’s fine innings to an end by taking a return catch off his own bowling. What transpired before that was a 123-run partnership of entertaining attacking stroke-play which largely thwarted a bowling attack that bowled with a lot of heart, with plenty of effort being shown in the field. John’s canny medium pace briefly troubled the batsmen, and Joey unlucky not to get a stumping. It would be John who claimed the second wicket, as Nelson on an accomplished 73 attempted to smite him onto the train tracks beyond, but only succeeded in finding Dom at long-off who settled himself under the high ball and took a ridiculously casual catch. At 169-2 the chance to make some long overdue inroads into the Roehampton line-up presented itself. However Pepperel had other ideas as he proceeded to send the ball to all parts of the Barnes Common Cricket Ground. Again, it was not for a lack of effort, nor for a lack of blood spilt. First Joey, making up a lot of ground and attempting to take a catch off a top-edge at deep mid-wicket split the webbing of his hand. A few overs later, another lusty blow found Dom at long-off again. Again he settled himself to take the catch but instead of finding his safe hands, on this occasion the ball found his chin. Things didn’t get much better for the Plastics as, with a bowler down due to a hand injury to Saril, toiled away in the sun; the orange ball going on a tour of the bushes surrounding the playing field. Wickets were hard to come by, as a mixture of brutal batting, dropped catches. an appeal for caught behind not given and on one occasion the intervention of a tree whose branches intercepted a ball at long-on before Saril could, enabled Roehampton to put on 123 for the third wicket. With Pepperel having retired after a devastating 101, and tea blissfully looming, it fell to Mark to bowl the final over and his off-spin duly brought a wicket as Da Silva skied a ball, Peter making no mistake under what was a tricky catch. Roehampton Bats finished on a daunting 302-3. Peter and Dom - face held together by plasters and sheer force of will - went out to face the new ball. Still, he was in good form, having scored 72 on his Plastics debut against Southbank. Unfortunately his game came to an untimely end when he prodded forward to a straight one. There were two clear noises but umpire Joey adjudged that the ball had hit the pads first and would have gone on to hit the stumps, and enabling Dom to finally go seek medical attention. This brought Mike to the crease to face some tight bowling from the Roehampton seamers, fending off a short-pitched delivery on his first ball, and digging out a dangerous yorker on his second. He was bowled in the second over though, giving Hunt his second wicket-maiden. Peter, seemingly oblivious to the wickets at the other end, started playing some swashbuckling shots to get the (non-existent) scoreboard ticking over. A nicely timed four down the ground a particular highlight, the Hello Kitty bat making a satisfying crunch as it connected with the ball. He was well-supported by Alex who played some entertaining shots of his own but was bowled by Ansar for 22, showing some sweet timing to the seamers. Mark came in after Peter had departed for 12 but could only hit a boundary before being the first of Da Silva’s four victims. Despite the tight bowling, the Plastics nevertheless attempted to find the boundary. Roehampton, playing with 10 men but defending the large total, made regular inroads, with Elliot being bowled by Cameron for 4, prompting a gin-fuelled Joey to haul himself off his inflatable lounger and enter the fray. What followed was an odyssey of ferocious hitting, even featuring some “cricket shots”. His injured hand seemingly not bothering him in the slightest as he got stuck into the bowling. He was ably supported by Captain Matt who joined in with some nice shots of his own including his signature guide down to third man with an open blade. The pair put on the Plastics' biggest partnership during their 8th wicket stand. Joey seemed set to reach a half-century but fell for a top-score of 39 as he was caught off the bowling of Cameron. In came Maithri, hoping for a stay of the Plastics' eventual execution. Starting off with a cover drive for 3, he scratched around for a while as Matt continued to enjoy slamming the ball around the field. He departed for 27 after attempting to dispatch Da Silva into the bushes at the deep mid-wicket boundary, however the fielder ran in and took an excellent catch diving forward. The inimitable John Papa then sauntered the wicket, intent on having some fun and causing some tail-end havoc. It started off well enough as he sent his second ball hurtling to the boundary for four. Two runs later though, he missed a straight one from Da Silva and was given out lbw. Saril Cricket came in at 11 sporting some rather fetching sunglasses. His first ball ended up being met by a typically aggressive swipe down to the long-on boundary. With the game now long-gone and the last rites performed, all that remained was for the final wicket to fall. Maithri provided a brief flourish, breaking 28 years of unblemished six-lessness by dispatching Cameron over his head. The sound of ball on bat creating a veritable symphony before tracing a graceful arc across the field. Yes, it was the shorter boundary, yes it was in a hopeless cause and yes he was out playing across the line to a straight from Da Silva four balls later, but without wishing to exaggerate it, everyone at the ground witnessed cricketing history that day. Needless to say he’ll never come close to hitting a ball that sweetly again. The Plastics were bowled out for 169 and handed a 133-run defeat. The three-match winning streak coming to a shuddering halt. Still, there were positives to be taken from the game. The effort in the field and with the ball in the face of some powerful hitting remained high, with plenty of dedication on show. The batting did not fire on this occasion but the lineup was missing some star names such as Charlie, Robert and Alex. Ultimately it with great pride that this writer can announce that the Plastics will be remaining in the “weak-weak” category for the foreseeable future. Or at least until Liam Livingstone decides that he’d rather have a proper workout instead of dicking around in Cheadle. |
THE TEAMFormed from a collection of players who met on the internet via social cricket at Archbishop's Park, Plastics XI represents the foolhardy members of that group who decided they wanted a bash at proper cricket instead of playing with plastic balls. The team's ability is best described as "weak-weak". Luckily, our social media game is much stronger. Find us on: Archives
October 2021
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