With the heavy rain the day before and the forecast variable, the intrepid Plastics XI travelled to Hayes (Kent), via a number of increasingly tortuous routes, each more fiendish than the last. Some say there were planned engineering works out of London Bridge, but it seemed as if the difficulty even getting to the ground was an ill omen for this superstitious bunch.
Arrival at the ground did nothing to assuage the fears of the team. It was clear that it was far too grand for the likes of us, with changing rooms, a proper scoreboard, covers with wheels, sightscreens, and a stately home in the background. However, at the toss, the captain of the opposition, the wonderfully named “The Flying Ducksmen”, asked if they could bat first because they were weak this week. This roused a lot of speculation on whether they could be weaker than the “weak-weak” the team was described as last season. Put in to bowl, the Plastics opened with Matt at one end, who, after opening with his customary wide, was cut hard to point by their number one and captain, where Jerry got his hands to the ball. Few other members of the team would have got near it, let alone got their hand to it, yet Jerry considered it an awful drop. To the number 2, Matt bowled a succession of very good balls that an accomplished player might have struggled with; fast, full, right in the corridor of uncertainty outside off. Unfortunately they were far too good for the opener, who had never played cricket before, and try as Matt might, he just couldn’t hit the bloody stumps. Joey came in next over down the hill: pacy, skiddy and difficult to see, let alone hit, his opening spell kept the opener honest, and it was clear the fella could play a bit on the few occasions he got bat to ball - leaning back and cutting hard through point whenever he was offered a touch of width. Joey’s opening spell also included the first incidence of the Plastics conceding penalty runs for hitting the keeper’s helmet, the whole team glad that it happened to them rather than for them because they are pretty sure only Simon knows how to signal them. Matt eventually made the breakthrough, getting the rookie with only the second ball he had managed to hit, chipping a full ball up in the air for Jerry and the safest hands in Pimlico to take a beautiful tumbling catch to his right, swiftly followed by Jevs bowling his offies getting another one caught. After that, there was something of a procession, with Tom Morgan-Grenville bowling a testing spell and ending with spectacular figures of 4.3-1-4-17, making the most of the variable bounce on the pitch, Joey switching to his leggies and getting a batsman lbw with the first ever googly he had bowled in a match, and another one shortly after, and Matt chipping in with another couple to end up with his career best figures of 7-2-3-17. Set a target of 86 to chase in 35 overs, there was immediate talk of a second consecutive win; Captain Bradbury as cautious as ever telling the more excitable members of the team that the pitch was worn and had variable bounce and nothing could be taken for granted. Promoting himself up to open as a slight leg injury meant he wasn’t able to bowl, with the erstwhile Leo for company, Charlie immediately set about proving that batting on the pitch was more difficult than we may have imagined, scoring 12 runs off the opening 8 overs, playing watchfully at one end, whilst Leo at the other, after marking his guard with a bail, Chanderpaul style, used his long arms and longer stride to get forward and deadbat anything remotely testing. Two drops of the captain by fielders that the Plastics had lent the Ducksmen led to dark mutterings of a fix, before Charlie took matters into his own hands by chipping straight to a fielder who wasn’t in danger of batting at eleven and not bowling if he had taken it, allowing Mark to come in at the giddy heights of three. Which is coincidentally how many balls he lasted before one going down the leg side clipped his thigh guard before hitting the bails; off Mark strode, scowling, muttering to himself about the injustice of the whole world in general and cricket pitches in particular and questioning how there could possibly be a God when someone so nice can be dismissed in so cruel a manner. This did allow Alex to come in for a brief, entertaining cameo - four fours (including a reverse sweep through third man that had the rest of the team marveling at his ability to ignore the boundaries of good taste and sportsmanship) and a towering straight six, before getting out lobbing a return catch to the bowler, who gratefully thanked our young gun as he strode off the pitch. 29 off 12 and the back of the target was broken. Leo, unaffected by the carnage at the other end, continued blocking, and blocking, with the occasional single just to stretch his legs, and ended up on a stubborn 26* off 63, while Jerry scored the winning runs. So, the Plastics XI, in their second match of the season, have already matched their record win total for a season, and are now in the midst of their longest ever winning streak. Surely, surely it can’t last? We’ll find out in our next match on 3rd June!
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THE TEAMFormed from a collection of players who met on the internet via social cricket at Archbishop's Park, Plastics XI represents the foolhardy members of that group who decided they wanted a bash at proper cricket instead of playing with plastic balls. The team's ability is best described as "weak-weak". Luckily, our social media game is much stronger. Find us on: Archives
October 2021
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